“Getting better from depression demands a lifelong commitment. I’ve made that commitment for my life’s sake and for the sake of those who love me.” — Susan Polis Schutz I am Amy. If you have met me at the grocery store, I am the one wandering between the aisles with a sad face. I am
“Getting better from depression demands a lifelong commitment. I’ve made that commitment for my life’s sake and for the sake of those who love me.” — Susan Polis Schutz
I am Amy. If you have met me at the grocery store, I am the one wandering between the aisles with a sad face. I am the one spending double the time getting my shopping done because I can’t even remember what I needed in the first place! If you have met me at work, I am that clerk sitting behind the desk avoiding eye contact and not replying to your warm greeting. I am the member of your local gym that hasn’t been there for over a year! I am the member of your church that has been skipping Sundays for quite a while simply because I have no energy to get dressed to go to church. I am that PTO member that paid the fees at the beginning of the school year but has been avoiding all volunteer duties so that I don’t have to be around too many parents at once!
If you watch me at home, I am the mother locking herself in her bedroom taking extra long naps, avoiding her kids’ discussions and the huge pile of never-ending laundry!
If you lived your life like me, you would know very well how it feels to be depressed.
You would understand why I choose to stay home on weekends and ignore all my friends’ invites. You would also understand why I never answer phone calls or color my gray roots.
You would also understand why my husband and I barely carry on a conversation or go out for dinner. My life is shaped around this dark hole and I dissolve into this circle of infinite fatigue, guilt, and sadness.
But a few months ago, I decided – with the help of a close friend – to give my life a second chance.
I had been on anti-depressants for many, many years that I felt that they either no longer worked or my body was simply telling me enough is enough!
My friend has also suffered from depression for a while. She tried a new treatment called Trans-cranial Magnetic Stimulation of the brain (TMS for short) and has been talking to me about how this has changed her life!
I was skeptical about it at first until the first week of treatment when I felt a slight improvement in my energy level! For the first time in many years, I was able to get up easily in the morning and fix my kids a good breakfast! I always wanted to do that but never had the energy to jump out of bed!
Then two weeks into the treatment, I started to have a different attitude at work. I no longer hate my co-workers. In fact, I can tolerate them on a daily basis now! I started smiling back at them and greeting them warmly. I even started to show interest in the topics they discussed at lunch break. On my final week of treatment, I was already falling in love with my husband all over again! I began to see the good things in him and appreciate his patience with me during my difficult time. My husband found a new wife and is really enjoying his marriage again. I found a new husband, and, more importantly, I found myself!
Today, I look back at my life and wonder; “How did I tolerate myself all this time?” It wasn’t fair to me and certainly wasn’t fair to my family. The thing about depression is that it occupies you and provides a comfort zone. It’s very difficult to break free. But once you do, you are off to a new life.
Today I can say it out loud. “I am the person I lost many years ago”! I have my life, my energy and my motivation back! Best of all, I have the rest of my life to live it the way I should have lived it all along!
I received a text message from my mom this morning. In her message she wrote, ” Amy, you may have been away from the family for a while, but you were always deep inside my heart. Seeing you get better brings life back to my heart!”
Yes mom, I am back. Amy is back!
If you or your loved one suffered from depression and would like to help others gain the strength to seek the help they need; join the pledge “ I am Amy!” pick up a T shirt from The PsyClinic today and like and share Amy’s story and others on our FaceBook page, “I am Amy”.